Poo dollar is back!!!

Whats crackalacking homies,

This past weekend was an extremely long weekend, but it sure was eventful.  I would say at least 65 percent of OU’s campus headed over to Cbus to watch an extremely horrible football game.  The bobkittens got murdered, but at least our mascot beat up OSU’s mascot.  Anyway the weekend was a blast all around.  Friday was a pretty low key night just hanging out at my bros pad preparing for game day.  Saturday I was woken up by a moose at about 830 in the morning and it was the start to the longest day of my life.  The fun began and we all headed over to a kegger around 10 or so.  The next 8 hours were filled with cornhole, kegs and subway which i always fantastic to eat fresh.  It wasn’t until dark when things got crazy.  It all started out when me and Nick Horne were at a party and were checking Id’s for people to enter the kitchen.  The look on these little dweebs faces when I asked for their id was priceless.  They instantly freaked out and didn’t really know what to do.  It got really hilarious when some kid got soo mad that he was punching and kicking the washer and dryer.  What the kids who were id’less didnt realize what that there was another entrance into the kitchen where everyone else was walking through, honestly why would someone ever need to see your id when you are walking into the kitchen? 
After we departed from this fiesta we headed back to bertke and torbecks for some shenanigans with pedestrian traffic.  Im not going to lie it got pretty intense.  It started off with some standard pick up lines, such as the “what size panties are you wearing” to the “whered you get those buttcheeks girl.”  It was working out okay until one amazing female walked by and made my night.  I gave her the classic what size panties are you wearing and she gave the best comeback a creep like myself can get.  She simply replied “I’m not wearing any panties.”  Boooom you love to hear that and you simply just want to look at her and say touche.  After that it was on to the childish games.  Poop dollar and kick the case.  If you have never played poop dollar you haven’t lived.  The game is simple, you find some dog shit you put it in a dollar and throw it on the sidewalk.  Obviously broke ass college students are going to jump all over free money.  Just the noise of everyone yelling poop when some jackass picks up the money is priceless.  It’s almost as exciting as Christmas morning.  Now kick the case is a little more intense and I feel bad playing that game because there is a chance it will result in broken ankles.  So im not going to talk about that at all.  Anywho, the night ended with a few sodas at the bar and it was all around a very successful saturday. 

The next morning I woke up and it was back to A-town for who dey sunday.  Not going to lie it started out pretty sketchy.  There were only about 7 people here when the game started but once the whod’s won the game it got a little more intense.  As a result of Mr. Chris Chaney Timothy Mink and Austin Kummer making the trip to Athens we all headed to the bengals bar right after the game.  I was not feeling too hott all day and this was not my idea of fun at the time.  I was ready to go home and go to bed early, but my jackass friends insisted I go to church at the Pub.  This didn’t start until 1230 but i had to see it.  I wasn’t even drinking or anyhting at the bar i was just hanging out.  Unfortunately my friends are all crackheads and everytime I turned down a drink they “Iced” me.  Three times to be exact.  This was extremely devastating but i’m not going to turn them down and be out of the game for life.  Fortunately I snuck out to go home before they could harrass me anymore and made it to bed at a decent hour.

That is all I have for this week, but I hope you all enjoy it and don’t hate on me too much.  If you are not from Cincinnati then I could careless if you hate on me because I hate you more. Go Reds, Who Deys and Kitties.

How many times you gonna do this shit? Rule #32: You don’t commit to a relative unless you’re absolutely positive they have a pulse.

PLRFLP

Things couldn’t get any sketchier.

Wassup bros/chicks.

So as you all know this weekend was the start of the Who Dey season and it was sketchy as poop.  I mean it seemed like it was the beginning of a typical athens weekend on thursday.  Had some people over the pad for a Lancer Thursday as they embarrassed East on FSN Ohio.  This lead to some beer pong, chicks getting buck wild on the dance floor and then some bars.  Sound like a pretty normal weekend night right? 

Then came Friday, woke up got some lunch and was just preparing myself mentally for saturday and sunday full of football.  It all became kinda sketchy on friday when at about 2:30 my crackhead roommates alex pukes kummer and Eric alchy Besterman wanted to play the “If I make this” game.  So they got the brilliant idea that all three of us get two shots and if any of us make it we have to start drinking sodas immediately.  Even in this sketchy situation I was pretty confident nobody would make it because it is extremely rare for people to make it with our strict list of rules.  Unfortunately,  one of us made it and the sketchyness got sketchier.  So after sitting around being idiots we decided to head down to elliots for a “juice” party.  And I will tell you what this was some sketchy juice.  It got real sketchy when people started to bong it on the front porch and then the pigs showed up.  Honestly cops, you’re on a college campus on a friday night, parties are going to make noise and I recommend you stop being so rude and giving out noise warnings when were minding our own business getting all sorts of naughty.  Anyway, after this it was off to some bars for some beers.  Obviously as most of the time Bradass came out and was schemin on every girl that walked by in the bar.  I think my favorite comeback after one of my sketchy pickup lines was when some random chick turned around looked at me and with straight anger in her eyes said “DO NOT TOUCH ME.” Being the wise man I am quickly with no hesitation I looked the other way as if i had no clue what she was talking about.  Classic.  Then night ended pretty sketchy as my dumb roommate texted me and said party at our house right now.  So I come strolling up the street ready to gwt jiggy with it and the only person at our house was a moose.  So I went to bed all sketched out.

Saturday all I really have to say is that Bestman made another shot and this meant we had to be high school drunk by 6.  To make a long story short we had a party and i gave away two of my lucky rubberbands to girls I have never met before.  Total devastation in the morning.

Onto the sketchiest day of my life.  Super sketch sunday.  So as it is supposed to be a tradition in Athens, every Sunday all who dey fans are supposed to wake up to party for the who deys no later than 9.  Being the who deys that we are Eric, Bolser, Alex and myself were up early.  But it was pretty sketchy when we were the only who deys ready to go until like 11.  Whats not sketchy is that there were about 30 people in our little party room by 1245.  So we were all jacked up for the start of this super bowl season, not realizing the pats came out to embarrass the Whod’s.  I guess theres always next week Bengals.  After the game is when it got super sketchy. About 50 percent of the people at our house fell asleep to be woken up around 9 or so to go to bars.  Even though the whods played poopy we still celebrate our city being the greatest city in the world.  Anywho at the bar me n Elliot some random guys sandwhich and the guy didn’t say anyhting to us.  Extremely Sketchy.  Next I am getting text from my drunk roommate telling me to come to crystal to fight a group of like 20 guys.  Obviously I have already been through that and the outcome was not pretty.  Very Sketchy.   The sketchiest part is that me n some other fools were up until about 330 for no reason.  Lets just say the monday miscues were 10 times worse than any sunday shakes i have ever had.  Secondly this lead to the tuesday tremors which are not anywhere near as bad but still a factor to my day.  As you can see this was an overall sketchy fricking weekend. I can only hope next weekend at OSU will be nowhere near as sketchy and the whod’s will dominate the ravens.

Until then one love my American peoples.

I guess theres only one thing left to do, Win the whole effin thing. (Redlegs)

PLRFLP

Lazy chicks suck

Okay I’m not going to lie, I am in way too much pain to be writing right now, but I know how hard it is for you hillbillies to sleep without hearing about my life.

The past six days have been absolutely insane.  Unfortunately as a result of those days I am pretty much siezuring right now and want to cry.  The week started off great just running around being an idiot meeting a bunch of whores.  So wednesday night we had a killer dance party at 72 west state and it was wild.  Obviously i was the best dancer here because I’m like a mixture between Michael Jackson and Lady Gaga.  Other then me there were somy crazy peoples shaking what their momma gave them.  And for some of them their momma gave them a lot, which is never a bad thing.  Other then that just some standard wall rides.  The next couple days nothing too exciting went on just classic nights at the bar being an idiot.  Apparently I am an idiot because every number I have recieved this week I forget to save them.  Total devastation.

It was Saturday and Sunday that really are making my life h e double hockey sticks right meow.  Saturday just consisted of a lot of sodas at Elliots and then watching the kitty kats give up 28 unanswered points to Fresno State.  Literally was one of the most depressing games i’ve ever watched and I wanted to kick at least 9 dudes in their jimmy johns for asking me if the Kitties won.  But I didn’t because getting the poop beat out of you is not fun, I know from experience.  I’m sure the kitties will recover tho.

Sunday is the day of the wall ride.  Being the Bradass that I am I thought of the puuuure idea to throw a jersey party.  This was a rocking jersey party from Dan Marino to my old school La Salle Football jersey. LANCERS.  It was an extremely early jersey party and the chicks were pitiful dancers, probably because some crackhead got the idea to start a dance party when it was still light out.  Pathetic.  It was after i ended the little shindig because that stuff got a little froggy.  Ben Alexander the biggest hillbilly I know decided to jump off my roof.  Not a good idea considering it is about 14 feet high.  Lets put it this way, he didn’t land it and couldnt walk this morning when he woke up.  What an idiot, oh honey I’m partying on a roof, I’m dead.  After that the night capped with some floor pizza, a broken chair, breaking up a fight and oh yeah Roaches.  As I am in my room trying to get Miss Gags out of my bed I see a crazy little hissing cockroach running on my floor.  I freaked, then I saw another one it’s freaking awesome.  After killing Steve, Rick got away so he’s still a free man just living the dream. oh yeah there was also a cardinal in my kitchen today, were not jerks if animals wanna hang out and party with us they are more then welcome.

So thats pretty much all I can handle when it comes to typing so I’ll talk to all you rednecks in about a week.  Trust me you will want to read it too because the who deys begin next sunday and that means who dey sunday which means the best days ever.  i literally think I am going to cry on opening kickoff and maybe Ill jump off the roof so Bens not the only jackass.  Peace out haterade drinkers.

Hey man I just pretended to look at my beer and looked down that girls shirt…..classic

PLRFLP

I’m going on an extended vacation to Athens, Ohio

como estan shitheads,

It’s been a long friggin time since my lost post and I apologize, I really do.  It’s just that this bradass is a busy man and I can’t waste all my time sitting on a laptop letting my feelings free you arrogant bastards.

So, If you don’t already know I am moving up to Athens this tuesday to hang out with some townies and get my study on.  This means I needed to go out with a bang this weekend and get all froggy.  I’m not going to lie things got extra froggy, no thanks to ben alexander who spent about three paychecks this weekend.  Well, the weekend started as we took a little journey to oxford ohio to show those yuppies a good time.  And we did, and they liked it.  Just some standard low card, rocking out to the live band, bumpin n grindin, sketchy creepin, ben giving me permanent ridges in my ankle and oh yeah Nick Horne  being a straight stud.  I mean the kid never seems to amaze me, he is a slayer.  The calls at 8 in the morning needing someone to pick him up are just absurd, yet they still seem to make the whole night worthwile.  That sandbaggin son of a buttcrack gets things done.  Anyway, we woke up early and headed to nippert to watch the lancers do work.  Obviously they embarrassed that public school from lakota in front of a whole whopping 2,000 people.  Not going to lie tho that lancer cheering section was pitiful.  I could have gone down there myself and made more noise then those little scrubs.  Honestly, someone needs to put those kids in their place.  If you want to win a state championship you get your ass out there and cheer until you can’t speak.  Get it done Lancer nation.

On to the stuff that really was just stupid.  As were nearing clifton ohio we all get the crazy idea to drink a loko before the game.  Oh lets get all crzy lets drink a loko and act like hillbillies in front of all our elders.  Elliot is probably the biggest white trash/ hillbilly scrub I have ever encountered.  He also relapsed like a baby back bitch.  Alex Kummer, I don’t even want to talk about you.  I was disturbed knowing that i had to hang out with your sketchy ass all weekend. You might have dropped down to the same level as Curtis on my list.  If you don’t know curtis he’s the crackhead who was begging for money and making himself a plate that could feed 12 african kids you see on the commercials with peoples food he didn’t even know.  What a sketchball.  Not only was alex an idiot but as we all got dressed to impress so we could go down to Mt. Adams and hang out with normal people instead of those dickhead gang kids in clifton Mr. Kummer shows up in a La Salle shirt.  Honestly, if you ever want to be taken serious in life start dressing like you didn’t pull your clothes out of a garbage can you hillbilly.

The rest of the night was pretty standard, we got froggy, I fell in love a few times, everyone and their brother was there (btw, do they send out memo’s to all lancer alumni and  tell them which bar to go to everynight? I think I could go to a bar in Lexington and it would still be all of white oak there, but I’m not mad about it because the westside is the right side) back to the froggyness.  The night ended with some late night skyline, table 4 being the coolest table in the world and some standard wall rides.  Overall, It was a very long and great night. 

Onto sports, the Redlegs are rolen and the cardinals can’t get off their knees.  They are about to get swept by the Nationals which will give those legs that are red a dominant 5 game lead.  September with the reds in the playoffs and the who deys eating people alive is going to be insane.  I know Mr. 513 Jimmy Coffaro will be rocking out with me cheering on the teams of America.  Thats all I really got on sports because the cincy teams are almost too good to talk about.

So, next weekend is the weekend before classes start which is always a blast, but I can smell it in the air.  This year is going to be insane, I’m finally out of the shitty dorms and have my own house to destroy. Shaboom.  Anyway thursday is freshmen move in which means all those little skankaroos are going to let loose and get all froggy.  Me being the mature upperclassmen is not going to risk their safety and let them walk all the way back to their dorms so i will be nice and offer my bed to the “smart” ones.  I know i’m such a gentlemen right.  it’s not easy being bradass, but someone has to do it.

Anyway, I’m getting a headache just typing so i am calling it quits on this lame excuse for a blog.  If you are an Athenatian  shall see you soon.  As for everyone else, I could care less if I see you or not. Holler.

How bout you sideburns, you wan’t some of this milk?

PLRFLP

The start to the best year of my life

Hey haters,

I know it has been an extremely long duration since my last blog and I am not sorry at all.  I love on my own time and you fools can lick my behind if you have a problem with it.  Anyway, there has been a lot that has happened since my last post and I am going to try and hit on the good stuff.

First things first, Hilton Head was pretty friggin awesome.  Obviously my mother being the coolest lady on the planet, she booked our condo right across the street from where all the bars are hopping.  After a few nights of getting in the grove me and some bros decided to clown around on the town.  Our Johnny Cuetto look-a-like cab driver took us to the hot spot.  A bar with karaoke that was packed with what seemed to be cougars/hookers, but turned out to be slamming hot British girls.  And If you know me at all I am a huge fan of accents.  I literally proposed to one of the brits the second i heard her talk.  Unfortunately she denied my offer, but I won the battle cause that little lady fell and muffed up her face.  As I always say, don’t mess with Bradass if you don’t want to get treated like shit.  In conclusion the hilton head trip was fun and and Iw would like to give a shoutout to the strippers who stole all my dinero, whores.

Next i will move on to Brooks and Dunn, which was easiestly top 10 funnest days of my life.  Cornhole, beer pong, a truck bed pool and mass skanks dressed in kinky outfits.  What more can you ask for?, thats right absolutely nothing.  I along with all my other bro’s was in heaven.  Me and Ben started out slow by getting slapped around in cornhole, but once the sodas started flowing i caught a heater and was practicially unbeatable.  Sorry to all you poor excuses of life that I embarassed in front of all those cowgirls, because obviously they dig guys who can find the hole (with a cornhole bag that is you creeps).  I know this from experience because I was practically getting harassed by two random chicks who either liked the way my ass looks or just wanted to steal my stuff.  Those little hookers stole two of my silly bands and they tried to get my stunna shades, but that wasn’t happening.  Unfortunately i came out two silly bands short and still find it hard to sleep at night, but some of my little kiddies at work hooked me up with a spongebob and buzz lightyear which brought me back to bradass status.  Those two girls are no where near as cool as Gillian Menke and i hope the silly bands break on them.

As for the title, it is now the time of my life that I have been waiting for since I turned 16.  It is finally me and my friends turn to celebrate 21st birthdays.  Last night started it off as we celebrated Andrew Harberts birthday with a little celebrity showing from the recently legalized michael deyhle.  I personally can say it was a giant success.  Although Bubba didn’t wake up in a cougars bed or anything he definitely enjoyed some sodas from the time he got in the bar till the time he got tossed out.  This is only the start of the fun and in just a few short weeks we will be continuing the legalization and I am fricking ready for anything.

Lastly, I am moving stuff up to my house on 72 west state in Athens Ohio this weekend and i can’t wait.  Not only do I get to spend the weekend in the number 2 city in the world, but I also get to move in to the most bradass house ever.  I honestly think this house will contain more girls than the Bunny Ranch.  Obviously I will scare them all away by calling them whores and asking about their panties, but hey not even Bradass is perfect.  Anywho, If you would like to make the trip to A-town and break in the new palace all are welcome.  Unless I don’t like you or you have body odor, other then that the door is open.  Holler back at your brother friends.

Grief is nature’s most powerful aphrodisiac

PLRFLP

Stick to classic razors!!

hey buttlickers,

Bradass here just to give you one last blog before i go booze with some bros and babes in hilton head island.  Where will be party with some chips, dip and some late night streaking.  You’re probably a little confused by the title and it’s pretty self-explanatory.  Today I decided to shave so i could look sexy for skanks on the beach. I am sick of using disposable razors since my electric razor is broke so I decided to try and use clippers you use to cut hair. It doesn’t work so never try it.

Onto the funky stuff. This past weekend was phenomenal.  Thursday night was grail which was a great night. Hung out with some bros played some pool and got hit on with one of the worst pick-up lines i have ever heard. i’m not going to describe it because i don’t know who reads this blog anymore and unlike other bloggers I have class.  Friday night was a standard night just hit up a couple house parties and prepared for a long saturday.  USA USA USA, wasn’t our day.  Drank all day at bars to watch USA get eliminated from the world cup in overtime.  I guess better luck next year, but later on was awesome. 

After the bars it was yet another fantastic grad party at the Kummer household.  Which consists of beers, hoagies and baseball.  If you don’t know the kummers, they are like the O’Doyles from Happy Gilmore, but worse.  Nothing feels better then beating the Kummers in anything.  They challenges some non-kummers to a classic game of baseball.  The Raw Dogs which consisted of Frank The Instigator Trotta, Dieters the guy who always has a clever come-back when the kummers talk crap, Nick defense Owens, Mike Clifton who never makes first out and never makes last out, Jake Rudy who is the king of team morale, and me Bradass a.k.a shred it. VS The Kummers a.k.a poor excuse of a family. I’m not even going to waste my time describing these clowns.  Although the game started out slow the Raw Dogs thrive under pressure and when it counted we dominated the kummers on their home court.  If that doesn’t sound degrading enough they challenged us to another game, but this time an obstacle relay.  This game is based off of physical talent, mental talent and bashing talent.  Lets put it this way, the Kummers did not even finish the relay. Pure Embarassment. Here is Team Raw Dogs theme song http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9FImc2LOr8

  Better luck next year queers.  Lastly, my weekend ended with college night at the beach on sunday.  Although me n my friends were the only college students there it was still a fantabulous day.  Sorry Dylan, but sometimes lifeguards are mean.

Sports…….All I can say is to all you Negative Ned’s who said the Reds would be out of it by all star break.  Go live in Cleveland.  Not only is this team battling but after their comeback victory over the Phillies today they are back in first base.  If you can’t support your hometown team with a physical attitude then go move to Russia you commies.

So if you don’t already know I am heading to Hilton Head tomorrow and it is going to be effin awesome. Other then the fact that I might look mexican by time I come back, which isn’t always a bad thing in respect to my mexican followers.  Anywho, I will be keeping you guys up to date on the vacation and I hope you all have a wonderful week without Bradass in your lives you crazy assholes.

When life gives you lemons just say eff the lemons and bail.

PLRFLP

Toy Story 3

여보세요 (Thats Korean for Hello)

Well, i am officially back in summer mode and this week has been pretty frickin cool. It all started off on Sunday when me n some bros went to go see toy story 3 in 3-d. Honestly, as a child i grew up as a huge fan of Toy Story. They were my fav animation movies and the newest one did not dissapoint. I highly enjoyed seeing this movie, although I am all grown up now it was still effin awesome. my only regret is not bringing a pen and notepad to jot down Ken’s badass pick up lines. He is about as smooth as warm butter. Lastly on the Toy Story, Barbie is still a babe (not a whore) and Woody is the most faithful toy ever.

Lets move on to Tuesday night. Beach party at Finn was an absolute success. I walked in and was instantly amazed. Every single time i turned my head there was a new group of about 10 whores. Most of them wearing extremely revealing clothes. I did not know Cincinnati could produce that many “smart” females. (if you haven’t seen knocked up then you won’t understand what I’m talking about.) I know my good buddy tim mink was loving all the female gendered individuals running around that place. The only bad thing about Tuesday was that there were multipl douchebags running around the place like they were God’s gift to earth, but history was made. I Bradass Maisch will be talked about for years probably by our grand children. As I was sitting there minding my own beeswax I was handed an ice to be totally embarassed in front of everyone. Like the man i am I gently knelt down and dominated the Ice without hesitation. Before I could even get back on my two feet another ice was placed right in front of my face. I was thinking to myself, “The un-planned double ice?, No way” WAY, it truly happened, two completely different individuals planned to ice me and it happened within seconds of eachother. Touche to all the individuals involved in this legendary night. You all deserve the fame.

Next I will move on to sports and this has been a great sports week not only for a Reds fan, but also every other American. After a rough trip to Seattle the Legs battled back to sweep Oakland. Next they come home to face the butthole of America, Cleveland. Nothing makes me happier then beating those fake Americans, they suck. i will feel demoralized if we do not sweep those pieces of poop. Then once we do i am going to take a bus to that miserable excuse for a city and take a dump right in the middle of it. Everyone else can come if you have money to bail yourself out of jail for public indecency. Moving on to America, if you don’t know what is going on in the world cup you are a horrible american. i don’t care if you despise soccer, show some freaking pride and represent your country, which happens to be the best damn country in the universe. Landon Donovan’s 91st minute goal against Algeria on Wednesday moved the USA team into the elimination round as the #1 team in their bracket. I literally get the chills everytime i see the replay of his goal and the fans going nuts. That shit will really get your juices flowing. Also, the World Cup Theme song really gets me going. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CBD9h0jUq3w

Well, tonight is Thursday, which in college terms means the weekend. So chances are I will go to grail and use some of Ken’s fantabulous pick up lines on some intoxicated she-males. And most likely I will fail miserably, but that’s the beauty of it ladies n gents. I hope everyone has an awesome weekend and I will be sure to get back to you tom-cats in the near future.

True love is hard to find, sometimes you think you have true love and then you catch the early flight home from San Diego and a couple of nude people jump out of your bathroom blindfolded like a goddamn magic show ready to double team your girlfriend.

PLRFLP